December 2010
47 posts
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Could you guys turn down your heartbeats? That is...
I was feeling run down so I decided to make a pot of coffee. When I walked into our break room, the cleaning lady was in there picking up. She had not touched the coffee pot yet so I told her that I would take care of it since I was making more coffee. I started talking with another coworker and absent mindedly made a full pot of coffee at 2:30 in the afternoon.
Long story short(ish), I’ve...
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Truthful Tuesday
I like to think I get most of my best thinking done in the shower but then I realize later how stupid my thoughts are. Like how I would go to a club named Foot to see if all of the employees were forced to wear medical braces.
The wife had a bunch of cds in her car (LOL...
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I swear, I once high fived George Burns. →
katefeetie:
stacey727:
sistacrumpet:
onesmallfire:
smartasshat:
cocktailstraw:
thejohnblog:
Hand to God.
I got a kiss from Telly Savalas.
Michael “J” Fox shook my hand.
I dressed a naked Mikhail Baryshnikov. Ladies (fellas?), I coulda touched it.
I thought Ben Stiller was some drug seeker wanting cough syrup with codeine and ignored him standing at the pharmacy counter.
In...
I know dreams are supposed to mean something,...
Last night: Ted Turner constantly burning me by shooting ball lightning out of his hands. I don’t even want to know.
“Well, if we’re ready we keep it… if we’re not, there’s always Etsy – people sell...”
– My wife, discussing what we would do if somewhere down the line she ends up surprised pregnant.
Spend Christmas Day with The Weather Channel
White Christmas Special and Year in Weather Countdown
• Guaranteed White Christmas (9 a.m. – 2 p.m. ET)
TWC forecasts snow in South Texas for the Henderson family, who won the network’s second annual Guaranteed White Christmas contest. The Henderson home in League City, TX, (halfway between Houston and Galveston) will transform into a winter...
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The wife and I enjoy Bruce Springsteen's pre song...
Email from her to me:
HEY BAND! YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!?
WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? WHAT?WHAT?WHAT? WHAT?WHAT?WHAT?
Email from me to her:
NOT MANNY, NOT MANNY. HAY CLARENCE YOU BEEN PRACTISMING YOUR SAXAFONE…SANTA….SAXEMPHONE….NEW ONE?
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WatchSo my wife’s laptop cam comes with some creepy software.
I work on the second floor of a building (above a physical therapy center) and we have our own stairs outside that lead up to our door. This morning as I was climbing the stairs, I thought, “I don’t remember zipping my zipper this morning” so I made sure no one was around, turned to face the building, and I checked real quick.
As I got to the top of the stairs, I realized that...
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Helping my friend move today. Right now, I am...
I told them if we get stopped by a cop, I’m only speaking spanish.
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The wife went with me to my dentist appointment earlier because we had to go to a wake afterward. She told me after the visit that she caught the dental assistant checking out my junk when I was laying on the chair. At that point, I would have gladly stripped down and danced for pain meds. Just like Lindsey Lohan and Rush Limbaugh.
When I was a little kid (like, kindergarten little), I used to assume that everything in the world worked together to create a perfect balance; for every good thing there would have to be a bad and vice versa. I thought that poor, downtrodden, good people would eventually get repaid for what they had to endure and jerk-y mean people would eventually get their comeuppance.
Because I thought this...