February 2010
76 posts
-1984-deactivated20120416 asked: YOU HAVE THE BIGGEST ASKHOLE I'VE EVER SEEN. I will add this to wikipedia.
3 tags
January 2010
60 posts
My guy friends that I was hanging out with earlier? We’re all playing MW2 online from our respective homes with each other. The future is now, people.
I don't suppose you people would want to move the...
Hello? Hello? Bueller? You guys suck.
Me singing Squeeze’s Black Coffee In Bed
...
Another day, another clinic.
This time It’s pediatrics. The kids here have been awesome. With each one that comes up here I marvel at the fact that they are just like, tiny people. You could give a 4 year old a fake beard, an iphone, and a PBR and they could be tiny hipsters! The most adorable hipsters of all time! With their velcro shoes and pockets full of bugs.
(I guess you can tell I don’t have kids of my...
BRB.
barelytrying:
bumpcrud:
I just got a Facebook invite for a group for my graduating high school class. I know what I am doing for the rest of the day.
I am class of 2000 so I am guessing our 10 year reunion should be coming up soon. I wouldn’t want to go but the wealth of twitter/tumblr material there must be like finding an undiscovered diamond mine. Also, our mascot? The Stingaree. WTF is a...
BRB.
I just got a Facebook invite for a group for my graduating high school class. I know what I am doing for the rest of the day.
I am class of 2000 so I am guessing our 10 year reunion should be coming up soon. I wouldn’t want to go but the wealth of twitter/tumblr material there must be like finding an undiscovered diamond mine. Also, our mascot? The Stingaree. WTF is a Stingaree, you ask? It...
99.95
cloudya:
That’s how much my husband spent on his anti-snore pillow from Brookstone.
4 - That’s how many times his snoring woke me up last night
2 - That’s how many hours I lasted on the couch before I had a nightmare and got scared and hightailed it back to the bed
3 - That’s how many nights in a row my husband’s snoring has kept me from getting a good night’s rest
19.1 - That’s the average...
3 tags
“That Poe feller was like the Stephen King of his taaahhme.” - The older redneck gentleman in my lit class that I almost dove across two aisles to karate chop in the neck.
girlvanized:
chatblanc:
via katydidsays:
In two days I’ll be in Pittsburgh meeting with a new doctor about a total hip replacement. Reading everything I can get my hands on over the past few weeks about the procedure and alternative procedures has left me feeling more scared shitless than informed.
What scares me most are the numbers.
Three to five days in the hospital. Four to six weeks...
4 tags
In which I do not help my case.
Some back story: I’m a drummer but to be honest, I’m pretty lazy about it. Not in my actual playing, but when it comes to all of the other stuff I should be doing. I never practice outside of band practice (I only own one kit that stays at the practice space), I never buy anything to make my kit work right, and I don’t even know where my practice pad is. In summation, I am the...
Now comes my favorite part of every season.
#FUCKYEAHFAVRETEARS
Dear Brett Favre,
Do you remember the 2007 NFC Championship Game? Your last pass as a Packer?
break all of your hips,
A Packers Fan
3 tags
This is my “discovery” post. I’m...
lifeaccordingtobek:
julie911:
Dandy Warhols -...
An insight into how I come to say the things I...
In my head:
I always misspell “awkward”. There just seems like there are too many “w”s. Is someone who is constantly awkward said to be an “Awkward-ian”? That sounds like accordian.
What eventually comes out of my mouth:
“Accordians are really awkward, man.”
In my head:
There. That’s better.
Banana Bunker
snackajawea:
I hope they make a Magnum Banana Bunker.
I buy large bananas.
OH GOD WHY IS IT RIBBED?
And on the 6th day, God made cheese and crackers....
If you ever want to make me happy (like supremely, divinely happy), hand me three Borden American cheese slices and a sleeve of saltines and walk away. Walk very, very far away. Treat this situation like Sodom and Gomorrah and don’t turn around. I swear if you turn around, instead of a pillar of salt, you will get saltine crumbs in your eye.
Looks like my mom is now on Facebook but she...
Here’s to hoping that she forgot we are related.
So I'm sitting in front of my computer but...
I may have hit a new low, but COME ON. I can download an app that makes a fart-y noise on command. WITH THIS PHONE, I AM NOW THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN ALL THE LAND.
I'm actually posting this from said phone.
So yesterday, I got one of those super cool new phones with all of digital bells and whistles (not an iphone since I’m on tmobile but like it). It has all kinds of things I’ve never had including yellow book voice look up.
My we decided to try it so my wife turned it on and said,”stripper.” It found an escort service a mile down the road called Oldies But Goodies...
My nephew (in law?) enjoys my taste in music and...
Do you think a 10 year old will like Mineral or is Sunny Day Real Estate a safer bet?
*EDIT*
Nevermind. I’m going to start him off with The Rentals. Depending how he likes it, I’ll go from there.
Stay classy, Wikipedia. "Generalized tetanus is... →
"A man walked in and the first thing I thought was...
My wife, everybody.
Hoping each time that his next leap will be the...
Another day, another new clinic.
This time I am filling in at a clinic where everyone had to go on a “retreat” that turned out to really just be an all day boxed lunch business meeting. The desk I am sitting at looks like Lisa Frank threw up on it.
Everything is pink. Pink stationary, pink supplies, pink pencil sharpener, all pink. That’s not the worst though. Staring me in the...
If there are a lot of spelling mistakes, I...
I sit and glance from item to item on my desk. To everyone else, it must seem like I am looking for something. In actuality, I am ranking all of the supplies in order of what will take down a zombie easier. The scissors seem like a good weapon but it doesn’t give enough reach. The fire extenguisher is too bulky. Zombies would laugh at a stapler. I decide that the paper cutter would be...
This is the story of how I turned down what is...
GUYS. Someone I work with just said, "I need TP...
Some people sew; some do puzzles. Me? I start...
Seriously. Half of the bands you will never hear about on Myspace are actually just me. And most of those are started based on one terrible idea/band name.
I wanted to start a hardcore/bro-down band where all of the songs are just one continuous breakdown, so I started Breakdown The Band. This one I have put the most time into and its changed a little from what I thought it would be. There are a...
We are all a little nervous about SF
ruthakers:
damselesque:
Will so-and-so like me? What if I do something stupid? What if they think I’m too ugly/too fat/too thin/have no boobs/have too many boobs/too blond/too dumb/too short/too tall/too boring?
We will party and we will have an excellent time. The end.
1000 times. this.
and I’ll be the “too fat/have no boobs/too likely to end up singing karaoke on a table”
FYI.
So I am...
I am using this float period as a field study into...
Over the past month, I’ve learned to hate the things they hate, to laugh at what I find stupid because they find it funny, I even had to admit that I found “The Christmas Shoes” to be endearing and good to gain acceptance. I looked at pictures of children and lied to their faces about how “precious” they are. I’ve changed myself to be like them just to see how...
Haha. Forget you suckers and your lame jobs. My...
Good Day sir/maddam. I am Mrs. Mrs.Wam .W. Willson , I have a Confirmable Bank Draft of £900,000.00 GBP (Nine Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds), that i deposited the Draft with UPS COURIER SERVICE, West Africa, I travelled out of the country for my holydays and I will not return back until the end of September. I want you to try all your best and contact the UPS COURIER SERVICE as soon as...