December 2009
37 posts
This is the band that I am in. I am playing the...
Thanks, Santa.
Dear Santa,
Since I did not get a Chia pet for the 20th year in a row (even though I ask for one every year), all I want is for the Bears to win this game.
Also, if you could maybe have Brett Favre soil himself the next time he is sacked, that would be pretty sweet too.
Thanks.
1 tag
Run DMC - Peter Piper
NEVER FORGET
...
There should be check out line only for...
Condoms.
It’s one thing to type it or even say it, but another thing entirely to buy them. In public.
The thing is, if I am with my wife, I’m totally fine buying them at a register. With my wife there, it’s like, “We’re in a committed, healthy relationship.” When I buy them without her, it’s like, “Hi I am hoping to use these anytime from the...
Listen
Today, it changed. (A New Hope).
A bag of oranges. A bag of oranges. A bag of oranges.
I sit at my desk turning the little slip of paper over and over in my fingers, folding it and refolding it the opposite way. Recently, I’ve been doing this for at least an hour a day as a way to take my mind off of where I am.
A bag of oranges. A bag of oranges. A bag of oranges.
I know what is written on the slip of paper (A bag of...
A friend asked if I would make a cd for her. She...
Tik Tok-Kesha Umbrella-Rihanna Sunday Morning-Maroon 5 Lollipop-Lil Wayne Whatever U Like-T.I. Our Song-Taylor Swift Independent-Webbie Sexy/Back-Justin Timberlake Toxic-Britney Spears Escape(The Pina Colada Song)-Rupert Holmes What You Got-Colby ODonis feat Akon Bad Romance-Lady GaGa Check on It-Beyonce Give it to Me-Timbaland feat Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado ...
This is why I should always be the lowest person...
Last weekend my wife went to Austin to meet up with the guy she is going to leave me for to hang out with a friend of ours (who is a girl ALLEGEDLY). She stopped into the candy shop (I think it’s on Congress) to pick me up some stuff. She came back with a pack of candy cigarettes, a couple of yogurt covered pretzels, and gummy bears.
I’m not a fan of gummy bears. It could probably be...
“HOW IN THE HELL DID GLORIA ESTEFAN EVER HAVE A CAREER?!”
“This isn’t Gloria Estefan.”
“SHE NEVER DID ANYTHING GOOD BESIDES THAT ‘BAD, BAD, BAD BOYS’ SONG IN THE 80’S.”
“This is Amy Grant.”
“… Oh. I saw her in concert once. She was pretty badass.”
This is brought to you by Seagram’s Lime...
WHOOPI GOLDBERG JUST DID THE MACARENA TO GARY...
This movie rulez.
I'll save you from my live blogging of Eddie...
BUT. IT. IS. SO. HARD. YOU. GUYS.
An open letter to Stephen King:
Dear Mr King,
YOU SUCK. EVERYTHING YOUR CHARACTERS DO SIMPLY CANNOT REMIND THEM OF SPRINGSTEEN LYRICS. YOU ARE A SAD LITERARY TRIBUTE BAND, SIR AND I AM DEMANDING MY COVER CHARGE BACK.
Yours truly,
Chris
P.S
I thought the movie version of The Mist was better than your short story.
girlvanized:
I just found this in my iTunes and...
1 tag
formspring.me
nowadays you’re hard pressed to hear about men marrying before the age of 30.
what made you take the plunge?
Lack of options? This is both a joke and the truth.
I was never super girl obsessed as a teenager. Instead of going and stalking girls who wouldn’t talk to me at the mall, I just assumed they wouldn’t talk to me and spent most of my...
1 tag
formspring.me
Where in Texas are you and where in Texas would you want to be?
I live in League City which is about 20 minutes south of Houston. I recently moved from Texas City which is only famous for blowing up pretty constantly. (Ok so it wasn’t like living in a Michael Bay movie, but I did see a fireball over 100 feet high in the 2005 blast. Then there was also the...
1 tag
formspring.me
How much crud would a bumpcrud crud if a bumpcrud could bump crud?
As much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Actually, this gives me a chance to explain my username. Going into my senior year (way back in the summer of 1999), I had a really strong group of about 20 guys that I would hang out with every day (for the most part, we still do but the numbers have dwindled to...
I know all of the cool kids did this last week so... →
(If no one ends up asking me a question, I’ll just answer questions that I ask myself. Just giving you a heads up that any questions that talk about how cool I am or how well I keep up with cutting my toenails, are probably made up.)
Scar Tissue.
I have this new burn scar on the back of my right hand. Its about an inch and a half long and it looks super awesome. It is just noticeable enough that I know I will be asked how I got it. Therein lies the problem.
I wish I got it doing something super badass. Like it happened while saving children from a burning orphanage or it happened when hot shrapnel from an exploding car hit me while I was...
