January 2012
10 posts
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December 2011
13 posts
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Just so we're clear.
Just so we’re clear on this, there wasn’t an episode of Boy Meets World where we find out that Cory has mental issues and that Eric and Topanga have been together the entire time but Cory thought of her as his girlfriend and that Mr Feeny never even existed but Cory projected him onto anyone in authority (which is why he was his teacher, principle, and college professor at three...
I've come to the realization that I'm a thirty...
I can’t consider myself an adult because I can’t remember my own social security number but I can name all five members of Def Leppard. I don’t even like Def Leppard.
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November 2011
6 posts
Some people like to test their limits by doing a...
I do both by cooking bacon without a shirt on.
Perspective can be a jerk.
I just had a sixty five year old lady tell me, “In case you didn’t realize, I am hitting on you right now. You’re in trouble now. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks to see you again.”
At first I thought that even though she may be more than twice my age, I STILL GOT IT.
Then I realized that I work in an eye clinic and more than likely she has terrible vision. For all...
My scared seal noise. Let me show you it.
As I was sleeping last night, I had a nightmare where I dreamed that I was at Yale visiting some museum of alumni. When I went to leave, it had become night and I was making my way over to my car when I saw a guy come charging at me out of the darkness with a knife.
Across the street, there were a few guys playing basketball so I tried to scream “HELP” out to them as loud as I could....
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“Stop making that face. I can’t believe I ever let you put your thing in...”
– My wife can cut straight to the bone(r).
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October 2011
19 posts
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I'm a regular Chef Boyardee
I made sausage gumbo last night and my wife took the leftovers to work. The girls she worked with liked it and they asked for my recipe so this is what I sent back to them:
Water.
That One Sausage From George W Bush’s Inauguration. The Jalapeno One.
Zatarain’s gumbo mix.
Chili powder, onions, garlic powder to taste.
Dice up the sausage (and part of your finger)
Put it in a pot with...
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Movember starts tuesday!
In case anyone would like to join up for Movember, I made a team here. Feel free to join Team Discovery Channel* if you’d like or if you feel inclined, you can always donate. Also, here is my personal Mo Space.
My child will be born towards the end of the month so all of our first day pictures holding her will include my gross reverse Hitler mustache so please, think of the children.
*I...
I'm thinking about carving "Chris & Comfy Pants...
I bought my first pair of Dockers this weekend and I wore them today. All I have to say is that uppity white dudes know how to make a comfortable pant.
These are the pants that I want to be buried in.
Thoughts on Battlestar Galactica from someone who...
That lady sure is rude to be running right through a guided tour like that.
Holy Crap! Did that German model just suffocate a baby?
That guy looks like a douche.
Edward James Olmos will always be Selena’s dad to me no matter what he is acting in.
I wonder what else Edward James Olmos was in besides American Me? Better IMDB it.
Wait. He was in a movie with Esai Morales called The...
Most people say that there are two things that you should never talk about in polite company:
Religion
Politics
In our house, the two things you never talk about are:
Whether or not Prince is awesome (hint: totally awesome)
Kim Zmeskal vs Shannon Miller (Zmeskal Por Vida.)
Here today and gone later today.
As I was going to Target, I saw a little girl walking on the sidewalk wearing what I thought was an MC5 shirt. I couldn’t believe that someone that young knew who MC5 was.
As I got closer, I saw it said, “MCR” and then I was surprised that someone that young was wearing a My Chemical Romance shirt.
We decided to come watch our friend play softball...
In the middle of the 3rd inning, she got into a fist fight with a girl on the other team. These are my friends.
“You are the best lunch packer ever and this means I will probably never cheat on...”
– My wife really knows how to make with the sweet talk.
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September 2011
9 posts
