How do you solve a problem like Maria? Because she is kind of a bitch.
I was brushing my teeth a few minutes ago and while I was looking in the mirror at my disgusting troll face, I was reminded of the worst “compliment” I was ever given.
Back in the myspace days, I received a random add from someone whose name I recognized but I couldn’t remember who she was. It turns out, it was my elementary school “girlfriend”. (We dated for like two weeks in fifth grade which just means that we were field trip partners. Things were pretty serious.)
Anyway, she asked how life had turned out for me and I the same for her. Just general catching up kinds of things and then she told me:
"Man, it is so weird that you grew up to the doppelganger for Andrew Lloyd Webber. You look so much like him, it is crazy! Like, you look so much like him, you could play him in a movie.”
I knew there was a reason I never called her during those two weeks.